


It was you, from the beginning.

by enigma_scars



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, And did I mention angst?, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, AsaNoya - Freeform, Drunkenness, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, I AM SORRY, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, So Wrong It's Right, Sorry Not Sorry, Temporary Character Death, Time Travel Fix-It, also first time writing HQ, but not sorry, is strong here yall, it's not like I wanted to kill him, its hard for me too, oh and more, okay i am lying, there's just so much pain here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-07-08 06:16:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15924593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enigma_scars/pseuds/enigma_scars
Summary: "In the dark of the night, the emotions flow out wild. Tears are rivers, my body the trembling earth, my mind the darkness personified and amidst them all is your memory burning like the moon. Oh how I wish it were you, for you were the Sun, the moon's just your reflection. It's not enough to wipe out my shadows.""What if I told you, you get to live it all over again, will you change your life?""A 100 times yes, and they all point in the same direction. His. I need him and I'll do anything for that.""Have this, swallow it when you want to change history."





	1. A day in the life without you.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tiny_Spirit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tiny_Spirit/gifts).



> Hi TIny!!
> 
>  
> 
> This work is specially for you! It's chaptered and I'll update it when convenient. However, please tell me how you feel about this! 
> 
> I needed an Asanoya sadness factory. So here we go. Have some tissues and some cake before you read this. 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: THIS IS MY FIRST ASANOYA WORK OR ANY HQ WORK PLEASE ACCEPT THIS TRASH!!  
> Enjoy!

The sweat on his forehead dripped down as he stopped and looked at the clock on his bedside table. That damned dream again. There were tears on his face. He hits his pillow with enough force to break someone’s nose. It had been like this for the last 12 years. The same damned mistake haunted him every night. All he ever wanted was to go back in time and change what happened that night. But he was helpless and lonely.

His friends had all moved on, _his_ family had moved on, the world hadn’t stopped moving, the sky was still blue and the cherry-blossoms outside were still blooming. The rain came and fell, the snow came and fell, the summer heat melted away and still year after year, month after month, week after week, day after day, night after night, the face haunted him, _over and over and over and over._ When will this cycle of pain stop? Why can’t he move on? Why can’t _his_ smile stop appearing in front of his eyes every time he blinked? The tears flowed freely like it was routine. He should have run out of them by now, but it seemed that he had never-ending resources of tears.

His phone’s alarm rang, telling him it was time for him to leave, if he was late another day, he would be fired. He couldn’t get fired at this point; he had rent to take care of. He immediately got up and changed his sheets and put his laundry in the wash, tuning the machine on. After taking a shower and dressing up in one of the three suits he owned, he was almost ready to leave when he decided he had time for breakfast. He opened his fridge and found all the eggs were finished, there was no bread or butter or jam, there was a beer can, a spring onion and a carrot, nothing ideal for breakfast. He then looks through his cabinets and finds cereal bar in one of them. Water and cereal bar it was. He eats it quickly and looks in the mirror one last time. His clothes were out on his little balcony drying in the summer heat.

 _‘21 days more.’_ He thinks to himself as he locks his door and walks out with the little bag of trash he had. He puts it in the dustbin and walks through the dim-lit hallways towards the elevator. There was that old “OUT OF SERVICE” board hanging from it. Living on the sixth floor of an eight floor building was not the most ideal when this happened every other day. He sighed as he started his way down by the staircase that was across the elevators. The staircase had no lights, but was dimly lit by the sun-light that streamed in through all the open doors of the floors.

As he reached down after a quick run, he thinks of getting a head start by walking to the Subway on Kokkai Gijido Mae. His house was a little away from there.  He had to go to Shinjuku. He worked as a manager for a mall. Though it wasn’t all that fancy, it paid well. Had he thought he would ever end up here? No, but life had its way. Circumstances lead to him working as a mall manager. He had to maintain records of all the shops and franchises in there.

He manages to get in time. He smiles at his co-workers and some of the other people who greet him. He was the master of fake smiles. He had to be, he had trained himself for 12 years now. It was 12th September, he had plans with his friends this afternoon, and he was going to meet an old friend for drinks later in the night. He sits at his desk and stares at the photo frame his mom had gifted him years ago. It was a picture of all of his high school friends in their yukata’s, he was holding hands with _him_ and their smiles were so bright. _His_ eyes were closed because his teeth were all out he remembers it like yesterday, the joke he whispered in his ears a second before the camera went off.

“Manager to floor one west block. Manager to floor one west block.” The speaker went off. Not even a second to breath. He immediately get’s up and goes to the place he was summoned at. He finds someone had broken one of the hallway lights. He immediately calls a janitor and has it clean up before asking maintenance to work on it. His morning passes like that, having a lot of paperwork to fill and draft and courier to the top bosses. He then finishes his filing by afternoon. His stomach growls and he remembers he had to go meet some friends. He notifies someone of his going and immediately leaves. He gets a call from on his cell-phone and he sees it was his friend. “Hi, yeah, I just left. The one on the corner next to that book-store? Yeah see you there.” He hangs up and walks the distance. On his arrival at the restaurant he sees his friend was already seated, his other friend with him. “Ryuu, Chikara! Such a great thing to see you here! I was really looking forward for this meeting.” He says as he sits down across them. The two men look at each other and give each other a look before Ryuu turns to him and says, “We had some news to tell you.” Ryuu looked so serious, the other had to stop and take a breath. “What is it?” He asks with a smile.

“I and Chikara, Chikara and I, we are, uh, we are getting married in April. I want you to be my best man.” Ryuu breathes out. He immediately gets up and gives Ryuu a hug. “Oh man! I’ve been waiting for this day my whole life! Congratulations guys! Be happy, you get to live your dream.” His happiness knew bounds for that moment, that hour, in front of the happy couple.

Lunch break ended soon and he had to head back to the office. He was busy the entire evening working at some files. He calls up his other friend and tells them he didn’t have the time or the power to sit down for drinks tonight. He apologizes to them and goes home.

On his way he sees many people being greeted by their family, or most people walking about with their loved ones. Everyone had someone to talk to, fight to, cry with and love. He was pathetic, he could feel how pathetic he was from the happiness he felt for the people. He had lost all hope of ever finding love; his love was no more, his heart died with _him_.

Every night was the same routine. Come home, open some ramen, heat the water, prepare the ramen, and eat the ramen while surfing through the television watching the news and then some sports, mostly baseball or the prefecture’s volleyball channel. He had immense hatred for the sport. He had loved it at one point, but now it was just plain annoying.

The door bell rings and he thinks it’s the land lord, but at this hour? He thinks nothing of it and opens the door. He finds a letter hung on the doorstep. It was addressed to him so he opened it and stared at its contents. He looked outside to see if the person who put it here was still around. But no one was there. He closed the door and went back inside. He sits down and shuts the TV off before he just ends up reading it.

“Hi Noya,

This is me, if this letter reaches you now; it means that something happened to me while we were still young. If you are looking for the person who posted this here, it was Daichi. Don’t worry, he doesn’t know what was written in here, I made him swear on Suga.

Anyways, I am writing this letter and it is your 17th birthday here. But I want you to receive this at any time which may seem like you are in the dumps. And that will be any point of time you refuse on a meet-up with Daichi. So if you received this you are probably in the dumps. Not that I blame you, adult life seems pretty hectic.” Why was this letter in his hands? Why now, he knew why, but why? He was confused and sad and happy, he felt like Asahi was sitting right next to him. He could hear his voice and visualize his face and make out what faces he would be making while he wrote this. He wanted to touch him once again, wanted to feel him, wanted to hear him call out to him again and he wanted to say those words to him, ‘I love you, Asahi-san!’

But he wasn’t there. Nishinoya was alone. And he wanted nothing more than to turn back the time.

The night had brought him hell and heaven packed in a fifteen page letter from a man who died 12 years ago and to this hour he is thinking how the hell did this happen. He walked out of his house, no keys in hand. He left his mobile phone at home as well. He had his wallet on him and that letter and all he had on was his shirt from this morning and his suit pants, his tie was half open as well.

It might have been 4 hours since he received the letter, but he had been walking all this time, unknowing, unmarked, uncharted. He was walking without a destination. He just kept rethinking the words he had read, ‘I love you, Noya. I am afraid you don’t feel the same.’

No fuck this; Noya loved him way before he loved Noya. He loved him harder and he broke the day Asahi breathed his last. This wasn’t fair. A confession of love from a man he loved 12 years ago. “Asahi-san. You are a fucking coward!” Noya screamed when he saw he had reached a bridge. There was water glimmering below him and the stars were reflected in them. He would have probably jumped off if it weren’t for another man on the bridge who shouted, “What happened? Why are you so angry?” It was a homeless guy.

Before he could answer however, a car that was out of control struck him and rode off. The man was on the ground in an instant. “Oh fuck, this shit is really happening”, Noya says. Not finding his phone on him, he stops the very next cab that approaches him and he picks the man up and puts them in the back. He pays the driver extra for speeding and breaking traffic laws. At the ER the man is immediately put on a stretcher and wheeled back to the OT for immediate operations.

He thinks of how many times he had been at the hospital in his entire life-time. The answer was five. First when his mom had a miscarriage. Second when his grandpa broke his hip. Third when his grandma died. Fourth when his dad died. And the last time he was here, it was when he had to pick up an almost dismembered Asahi up with the help of Daichi, Tanaka and a couple more of their friends before he was announced dead on arrival.

The picture was stuck in his head. Hospitals were a bad omen for him. He never liked the idea of hospitals. It was grey, stuck in a cloud, surreal and shining with disease. Hospitals were the path to salvation, the doors f death opened here. It wasn’t pleasant at all. Though there were maternity wards, mothers had died giving birth, mothers had failed giving birth, children have died after birth, and children have died before birth. Death was ever-looming at a hospital.

It was a public hospital, so he didn’t have to pay immediately. So when the doctor comes out after almost two hours and tells him that the man he brought will live, with nothing but a miraculous broken ankle and some external bleeding and just five stitches on his head, he was relieved; the bill won’t be too harsh on him.

The man gains consciousness three more hours later and at this point, Noya has given up on going to his job or finding what place he had walked off to. It was still Tokyo, but ways away from his regular route. This was altogether a new place for him. He gets up and goes to meet the man who he had brought here. “Hey, I am Nishinoya Yuu; we were on the bridge together when you got struck down by that rash-driver. They filed a complaint as it was a hit & run case. They are looking for the person now. But I have paid off the dues so that no matter if you get the money from them or not, you won’t be in debt. How are you feeling by the way? It’s lucky how you got away with just one broken ankle. And a cut on the forehead. You were unconscious when I brought you here.”

There was a twinge of pain in Noya’s heart. Why did this man get to live with almost no harm done but Asahi bled to death? What kind of a world was this? He wanted to feel happy for the man, but his heart had been wretched like this ever since Asahi died. Why was he supposed to smile now?

“Thank you, Nishinoya. No one has ever shown me such an act of kindness. My family threw me out, how could I expect kindness of random strangers? But you are a blessing, Nishinoya. Sit down. I know you won’t be going anywhere today. You seemed lost last night. You still look lost. Talk to me. Talking to strangers is always nice.” The man said. “You can call me Hatori.”

 


	2. Toying with glass.

“Asahi-san, Asahi-san! Wanna grab a GariGari-kun soda pop with me?” Noya asks as he jumps around Asahi to grab his attention. It was the midst of summer 2012. Asahi had turned 16 and had joined Karasuno High School as a first year. Noya was still a third year at Chidoriyama.

“Alright Noya. But you get only two tonight. And no bets on how fast you can chomp them down. I am not taking a hearing from your mother tonight.” Asahi says with a small smile. He turns around and sees Noya wasn’t listening to him. He was running after a dog.

“Noya, stop what are you doing? Do you want to tumble off the hill? Oh god! Come back.” Asahi had to chase Noya downhill until he could let the poor dog go and hold onto Noya’s back, and as a punishment he only bought him one Popsicle.

“Asahi-san this is cheating. The dog barked at me first. I was just giving him a taste of his own medicine.” Noya whines and stomps his feet like a child.

“And you are the human and that was a dog. See where you made the mistake?” Asahi says as he pulls at Noya’s hair. “Say, your blond fringe has faded, want me to come over and do it for you again?” Asahi asks.

“Really? Cool! How about tomorrow?” Noya asks already excited over this.

“Okay, after school.” Asahi confirms, happy that Noya was happy.

Noya just jumped in the air quite happy that Asahi san initiated this.

“Say Asahi-san, are you going to play volleyball in high school?” Noya asks after he finishes chomping down on his Popsicle.

“Yes Noya. I even met a couple of first-years who are interested. One of them used to be a setter. So he wanted to try out for the current setter position. I spoke to the seniors and they were really nice, strict, but nice.” Asahi admits. He drops Noya off at his house and walks the three blocks to his own.

He is greeted by his dad instantly and his dad asks, “Again with Noya tonight? Why don’t you just tell the guy you like him? I know the boy, he would be very accepting.”

“Good evening to you as well, Dad. And I don’t because I just happen to know he likes that one girl from his class. It’s pointless and I might lose a good friend.” Asahi tells him as he opens his shoes and hands his Tiffin box to his dad. He walks away a bit saddened.

“Oh, I will be staying over at his on the weekend.” Asahi informs as he walks back to his room.

“Dinner in 10, mom will be late tonight; she had to take the late shift because one of the nurses had to go to the city. It’s just us two and the tele for dinner. It’s curry night.” His dad tells him. Asahi takes a quick shower and then goes down for dinner.

“What’s the worst that could happen if you told him you liked him? It’s been what two years now?” His dad says.

“Well, I could lose a friend and gain a hater.” Asahi says sarcastically. “Yeah, that’s the worst that could happen.”

“If he is your true friend, he won’t react negatively.” His dad states matter of factly as he joins his hands for praying. He ignores the blubber Asahi was muttering. He just knew what a dumbass his son really was, after-all he got it from his mom.

That weekend Asahi stays over at Noya’s and helps him dye his hair, but it got pretty much painful for him later in the night because he looked at how close the little guy was pressed against his side and was spooning him in his sleep. He had moved over from his mattress and joined himself to Asahi’s side and Asahi who was unable to sleep before was wide awake now.

The sweet smell of citrus from Noya’s shampoo was in his nose and warm hands were tangled around him. The soft rise and fall of his chest against his side made him realize the gravity of the situation.

He was in love with Nishinoya.

XXX

A year later...

“Hey, Asahi-san! I got into Karasuno!” The little guy says as he bounces with happiness. Asahi was standing next to Sugawara, Daichi and Shimizu.

“Oh, Noya, congratulations.” Asahi says as he ruffles the little guy’s hair.

“This is the infamous Noya?” Sugawara asks.

But Noya was looking over at Shimizu. “Are you a senior? How are you affiliated to the volleyball team? What is your name?” He asked enthusiastically.

“Uh, Asahi...” Shimizu said.

Asahi laughed to hide the ache in his heart. “Oh, Noya, leave Shimizu alone. She is our new manager. She learnt how to help around here last year but this year as our last manager left, she is the official one. This is Sugawara Koushi, the Setter. This is Daichi Sawamura, our soon to be captain. He is the team’s defence. He is almost a one man army.” Asahi praises. “Guys, this is Nishinoya, but please call him Noya.” Asahi says.

Nishinoya bows a 90° and says, “Nice to meet you Senpai!”

Everyone chuckles and says, “Nice to meet you as well, Noya.”

Asahi just burns up in embarrassment and awkwardness.

“Uh, Noya, we have practice now, so if you want to leave, you can.” Asahi tells him.

“No way, can I please see Asahi-san play? I especially love his spike form.” Noya requests enthusiastically.

Everyone laughs and Daichi says, “Sure, why not.”

“Sweet!” Noya laughs and jumps excitedly.

“Noya, calm down, please.” Asahi tells Noya. Noya blushes and says, “Aah, sorry. It’s been over a year since I last saw you play.” Noya says.

Asahi just backs off, a little stunned at the honest answer. He nods and looks away as they walk back towards the gymnasium.

The teams are divided for a match. Shimizu was on the sidelines keeping score. She calls Noya to help her and he readily runs over. Asahi looks at them and forgets stretching his hamstrings mid-way. He looks at how animatedly, and excitedly Noya was talking to Shimizu. He was sure Noya had a crush on Shimizu by now. Obviously, with how pretty Shimizu was, it was almost laughable how Noya would develop a crush on her.

 

_Right then,_

“You know, Asahi really likes and cares about you.” Shimizu tells Noya.

“Not the way I like him.” Noya admits. “He is probably straight and with how good he looks, girls surely fall all over him. I never stood a chance ever.”

“Have you ever spoken to him about it?” Shimizu asks.

“Obviously not! That makes no sense. If I told him I like him and he rejects me, I wouldn’t be able to show my face ever again.” Noya whisper-yells. “Though it’s a shame I can’t tell him. Feels like I am betraying him when every time he comes over I end up cuddling him. And obviously what I do isn’t platonic. But it can’t be romantic either, because he is unaware of my true intentions.”

“Both of you are idiots.”Shimizu says under her breath and looks at the game.

Noya stops speaking and looks right when Asahi was about to spike. There was a very angry look on his face as he spiked the ball. It crashed into the ground with a loud woosh. The entire gym stood stunned. This was not how Asahi usually played.

“Good one, Asahi. That was absolutely un-receivable. Except next time try hitting within the lines.” The captain tells him.

Asahi just huffs and swiftly goes back to his position.

Why was he angry? He knew something like this would happen, no point being angry now. _Idiot, stupid, useless, coward._

Stop, breathe, spike, repeat.

Asahi goes through the routine without another glance in Noya’s side.

Noya excitedly whistled, “Asahi-san, nice spike. Mou ippon!”

Asahi glances once and with the earlier anger filling him up, he runs for the momentum and spikes the ball again. It hits within the line this time and the captain says, “Ace-ahi is ready for the nationals.” Everybody laughs at the pun, except for Asahi.

The practice gets over soon and Noya packs Asahi’s bag for him and when he comes back he says, “That was awesome, “Ace-ahi-san!”

Asahi chuckled half-heartedly as he took the bag from Noya and said, “Popsicle?”

“My treat?” Noya asks.

“Nah, mine. As congrats for getting in.” Asahi says as he bids his team goodbye and leaves with Noya.

He was toying with his own heart here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> KUDOS/ COMMENTS /SHARE?
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> FEEDBACK IS A MUST!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Please love me! I need motivation to type these out. Kudos and comments feed my brain.
> 
> Thank you!
> 
> All the love,  
> M.


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